How Men Can Ruin A Great Relationship
Putting women on a pedestal can have unintended and reverse effects of reducing her to second-class citizen and elevating you to potentate. True mutual respect derives only from a peer relationship. Yet, many men still engage in such deferential behavior, and just as many women demand it. Why? They have been conditioned to believe and accept the interminable myths about women that still pervade our supposedly advanced culture.
My true education in all things feminine began almost 12 years ago, when I became re-immersed in the single world after my divorce. During this post-marriage odyssey with the “opposite” sex, I learned that women are not so opposite and are, in fact, much like men. To me, this is no longer a debate; it is fact.
Now, we hear almost daily from anthropologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, licensed psychotherapists, so-called life coaches, movies, books, magazines, TV, radio, parents, friends, lovers, and standup comics that men and women are wired differently and hopelessly incompatible.
We are coached to accept, embrace, and gingerly navigate these differences. Nonsense, I say. If you believe this propaganda, you are part of the problem.
Many children grow up hearing repeatedly from their parents and teachers that they are unalterably shy. Then, these children internalize the negative message and often remain shy until death—having lived a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This same phenomenon occurs with the barrage of myths we hear about women’s limitations, passed down from generation to generation. From the long list, I have identified five, counterproductive relationship myths that our society continues to propagate and reinforce about femmes.
They are totally absurd and untrue. Yet, if men and women don’t stop indulging in these myths, we will never find the harmony we mutually seek and need.
Once we destroy these myths, however, men and women will realize, at last, how similar they really are.
Myth #1: Women don’t like or need sex as much as men do
It is laughable how many men and women actually believe this myth. Worse is when they insist on clinging to it.
Let me tell you that healthy women—those without emotional hangups or medical problems—definitely like and need sex as much as their male counterparts; often their cravings supersede those of men.
On one hand, many demonstrative women have told me that men they had dated rejected them for being too sexually expressive. Wow, these men are morons! Unfortunately, sexually uninhibited women threaten insecure men, who need to be in charge, and old-fashioned men, who believe such women are sluts and not the marrying kind. In turn, a spurned, frustrated woman typically reacts by toning down her sexuality for the next guy. She conditions herself to believe that her unreserved style is wrong. What a waste of spirit.
She should instead look for a better mate. Why doesn’t she? Usually it’s because her sexually frustrated mother and girlfriends force on her their repressive credo: great sex isn’t as important as his ability to provide for you—make it work.
On the other hand is the woman involved with a secure man, who encourages her, perhaps for the first time in her life, to be as free as she wants to be—emotionally and physically.
Frequently, this woman was raised to be sexually passive or even to believe that sex is bad, and she expends a lot of energy in the act of self-repression. After behaving uninhibitedly, “like a man,” she almost cannot believe the difference and is never again the same.
Numerous times I have witnessed this sudden metamorphosis first-hand, usually hearing the refrain: “Yes, my mother was definitely wrong! Why did I wait so many years to experience this?”
Myth #2: Women aren’t as visually stimulated or obsessed with looks as men are
How many times do you hear this line?
Give me a break. More nonsense. Part of the argument for this myth is that the majority of porn addicts are men.
Porn addiction is a sickness that has little to do with visual stimulation and a lot to do with intimacy dysfunction. As an aside, a recent feature article in the San Jose Mercury News revealed a dirty, little secret: that porn is becoming increasingly popular amongst women of all socioeconomic stripes.
In the mating game, if she has the choice, a woman always will seek the best-looking guy. Isn’t this how many women choose presidential candidates?
Despite Bill Clinton’s record of abusing females, many women continue to give him a pass because of his looks, and they have said this to my face. Beware women who deny their preoccupations with looks.
I remember watching a Fox TV show called Mr. Personality, hosted by Monica Lewinsky. A beautiful, sophisticated, well-spoken girl named Haley had to choose one man from a group of 25 masked, unnamed suitors each week further winnowing the group by a few men, based on their incompatible personality traits. Haley never saw the face of each suitor until she selected him to leave the group. And, every time she unmasked a handsome man whom she otherwise found unacceptable, she was disappointed.
Sounds like the MO of a stereotypical guy, doesn’t it? On the final show, she narrowed the field to the last contestant—her new beau. Monica announced that he had done well financially in real estate, but Haley’s biggest question still remained unanswered: Is he gorgeous? Finally, he unmasked himself. Her relief was palpable.
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
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