How To Do Intimacy Even If You’re Afraid (We All Are)
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you've always done in the same situation will change the dynamic of your relationship forever.

What is Intimacy?

Being intimate with a man is not the same as sharing intimacy.

It’s possible that most of us have never known true intimacy from the moment we came into the world.

We’ve been labeled, taught, cajoled and prodded, been threatened by all forms of authority, told what’s true and what isn’t, and disrespected for everything from our feelings to our thoughts.

Our relationships have been more about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves.

More about struggling and using our wits to get what we need and what we think we want than discovering what it is we really want.

Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that it’s okay to want what we want.

Sometimes we only accidentally discover that the person we really are, warts and all, underneath all the masks and games we’ve learned to put between ourselves and others, is truly loveable.

It can change our lives forever, or remain a lost opportunity forever.

Someone sees us — really sees us — in a moment of accidental abandon and their heart fills up with love for us.

We deny this possibility and push that someone away because we so don’t believe we are loveable.

Does this sound like you?

It’s most all of us.

We can’t, or won’t get close enough to someone who may very well be our soulmate because we’ve never done it.

We don’t know how.

When I was an actor, I did not have access to my emotions.

I could pretend fairly well, and it got me far –I could laugh nearly anytime, but I was completely detached from my anger and pain.

An actor friend told me — “fake it til you make it.”

Meaning, if I pounded the table hard enough and long enough with my fist, I’d feel angry.

If I hit my hand with a hammer over and over again, I’d feel pain.

I’d probably cry.

I use some of this “fake it until you make it” philosophy in teaching women how to express themselves.

Sometimes, just not saying or doing something can trigger the real stuff.

Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you’ve always done in the same situation will change the dynamic of your relationship forever.

Trust creeps in, in small ways.

Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between words.

Not speaking not from your heart leaves room for speaking from your heart.

The next time you’re tempted to tell your man what to do, even though you know how to do it better than he does–stop yourself.

Stop talking.

See what happens.

What do you do when you’ve stopped talking?

How do you communicate anything?

The simple answer is to use an “I feel” message.

This sounds easy. In a book, it would sound easy. But it’s probably something you don’t really have words for.

Starting with “I feel” is the perfect start, but what then?

  • Go with what’s really there.
  • Feel the floor under your feet.
  • Feel the table in front of you.

Feel your heart beat, you’re stomach gurgle, the tightness in your chest that’s there because you’re mad, or upset, or frustrated, or giddy, and you don’t know what to say.

Feel the most concrete, real, simple thing you can, and say that.

Just saying, “I’m hungry” is better than “Let’s go to that little Italian place, okay?”

This is a game, you say.

No, it isn’t. It’s the missing link. The missing piece that we never learned as children.

We learned how to get along, how to influence others, how to look and do good, but we never learned how to even make contact with what we really feel, much less ever said it simply.

A woman who can say what she feels, simply, directly, passionately, with energy and conviction or matter-of-factness will find her soulmate in record time.

And there will be nothing to stop him from grabbing her and running with it.

It’s the way men are supposed to behave when they’re in love — only we’ve all forgotten.

  • We’re all embarrassed.
  • We’re all afraid of intimacy.
  • What would happen if we behaved as if we weren’t?

Let me show you all the ways in which you can be happy and thrive in your relationship

There are specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man. To learn more visit Rori’s website and grab some of her relationship tools.

You’ll discover a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.

Rob L. editor and writer
This article written and/or edited by Robert Lee.


Don’t let dedicating a few minutes a day to be set aside to improve your communication skills be the...
Read More
The less confrontational you are in asking to get what you want, the more you'll actually steer a man...
Read More
Have you ever thought why men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different?
Read More
If women knew these things that guys want them to know a lot of relationships would be much better.
Read More
There are two people in a relationship and one change can make all the difference to keeping romance...
Read More
Guys, for the most part, want a girl to put them in their place, to challenge them, and, of course, love...
Read More
In all honesty, some guys are real animals... but how do you separate the animals from the great catches?
Read More
A man's eyes are the windows to his soul and they will speak a thousand words without him having to say...
Read More
It's hard to help a woman to "be ready" to meet a great guy when she feels so overwhelmed by the whole...
Read More
Finding love again after a previous relationship that ended up with children in your life means you have...
Read More

join our newsletter!

Helpful advice sent once a month

Unsubscribe at any time.

Join Our Newsletter

FREE GIFT when you join!


“110 Self-Improvement Boosters” ebook.

You can unsubscribe at any time.