Boundaries in a relationship are a good thing
Boundaries don’t have to be negative.
In fact, they are essential in every positive and healthy relationship. Boundaries are agreements that you make with yourself and your partner about what you think, feel, or want that define which behaviors are healthy or unhealthy for you and them within your relationship.
You establish them based on your own self-respect and desire to live a life filled with dignity, safety and respect from others.
Where to set behavior boundaries
Here are some areas of your relationship where setting boundaries of behavior can help your relationship stay stable and open:
- In-laws and family member interactions (when you visit or allow them to visit you, what details about your relationship, career and other personal items you will share with them)
- Personal privacy (respectfully limiting what is needed to be shared, such as parts of your past or what’s on your phone)
- Communication limits on what is said between you (no shouting or name-calling)
- Personal freedom (the freedom to make your own decisions, work towards your own goals, or maintain friendships outside the relationship without jealousy)
- Physical space and activity (no tolerance for violence, intimacy rules including sex and when, where, and how)
- Money and finances (be open and not hiding money or debt from each other);
- Home life and household duties (how household chores are managed and expectations about spending quality time together);
- Relationship rules and boundaries (define your relationship around loyalty, fidelity, trust and respect).
Agree what the boundaries are in your relationship
Both of you should be clear on the “red lines” of your relationship, what the boundary limits are and where compromise is expected.
When these lines are crossed the consequences should already be known, not introduced in a moment of heated discussion. It’s a matter of respect to understand the consequences when something that should not have happened happens. Let’s say that one boundary is not shouting during an argument (arguments happen). If the consequence is to take a break and continue talking when things cool down, then this should be understood, not demanded at the time it happens. And respectfully, both of you should step back.
The responsibility for managing the boundaries of your relationship rests on both of you.
When you seem to be shouldering the burden of refereeing the boundary issues, it’s time to seek professional help and guidance to move your relationship back to a respectful and loving place.
One suggestion is to start by reading the insights that Rori Raye can provide you.
Unfortunately, many people struggle with the concept of boundaries. The idea can be overwhelming and intimidating. If you’re struggling to understand what a boundary is, or how to set one in your relationship, read on!
We highly recommend getting started with The Modern Siren Program and find the power you already have to take these positive steps in your relationship.