The Differences Between Good And Bad Chemistry

When it’s good it’s great. When it’s bad it’s almost over. Here are some questions to ask when you first meet him.

Is It Chemistry? Will It Last?

There are times when, poof! it’s magical, the chemistry you have between yourself and the guy you’ve met or are dating. But is it real? Will it last? How will you know?

Many women (and men) allow initial attraction to rule the beginning stages of their relationship. The warm fuzzy inner glow that new love gives you rules over you.

While the initial chemistry that drew you together is a great thing, since without that “magic moment” many people would never start dating, chemistry is more than the initial fluctuation of hormones, pheromones and adrenaline. Instinct and hormones take over once triggered by attraction. We are blind to all but the shining light that is the new love we have.

What is the basis of good and bad chemistry?

What is important (and healthy) in any relationship is open communication. The definition of good and bad chemistry can be graded on how well you, as a couple, communicate. Good chemistry is the sum of each person’s identity that does not blow up the lab.

It’s very hard when you’re first smitten to be concerned of the openness of communication. The attraction you have factors to cover all his mistakes, his ambiguity, his selfishness. You’re attracted to him and he will respond to you in kind. Attraction rules over your relationship. And after all, aren’t you doing a lot of things together? How could this be wrong?

He loves you as much as you love him (you think) but this may not have any basis in reality. Once you question these feelings you are on the likely road to breaking up. You’re not on the same wavelength and the chemistry has turned bad. This can be avoided, or at least nipped in the bud before the relationship is more involved and you find out he’s not quite the catch you thought he was at first.

Your successful relationship requires that there is chemistry that you both share of a similar nature, that you have the connection of open communication between the both of you. Oftentimes, after the first few dates women continue the ‘idealization’ of the man they are with. He can do no wrong. But the blinders are on and she can’t see the bigger picture.

Men are human. They have imperfections. A lot. And open communication is how to keep the quirks that men have from becoming a bigger issue that can destroy an otherwise good, stable relationship. We have to know how to see our actions when we start minimizing his faults and exaggerating his virtues.

How do you see the bigger picture?

How can you safeguard yourself from falling for him to such a degree that he is all that is important in your life?

Believe it or not, an open communication with the man you are with will adjust itself for the new relationship you are in, if you follow the rules of conversation with your new man.

These conversational rules are here to help you get some background of the man you are dating. This is not a ‘test’ as such, these are questions to ask him, even if you are totally in love with him at the moment, because his answers will rule your relationship and you should have an idea what is in his mind.

Questions to Create Chemistry:

  • Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
  • What inspires you?
  • What is your biggest secret?
  • Who is your real living hero?
  • What scares you the most?
  • What is your favorite food?
  • If you could travel anywhere where would it be?
  • What two animals would you put together to have as your pet?
  • What makes you feel the most alive?
  • If you were a superhero who would you be?
  • Who is your favorite movie star?
  • Who killed Princess Diana?
  • If you never had to earn a living what would you do with your time?
  • Did your mom (or dad) do a good job of raising you?
  • What is your favorite movie?
  • Which TV star would you most want to hang out with?

Questions like these are posed in a friendly way, in-depth answers are encouraged and you may have to answer the questions yourself as well to start your new open communication model with your boyfriend, so keep this friendly.

Don’t be afraid to question deeper into any of his answers. Guys like to talk about themselves, just about anyone does, and asking questions is a comfortable way to get someone to open up to you. Answering seemingly safe questions is a great way for someone to put their guard down and open up and show you their true feelings and attitudes about common areas you share and the differences you have.

These questions can be asked, one at a time, on the phone, when IM chat and even in emails if you’re in a long distance relationship. Just don’t be pushy for answers.

Chemistry between two people is like a see-saw, sometimes “up in the air joy” and other times “down in the dirt sadness”. But the ride either way can be a lot of fun if you are expecting how he reacts to what you do and say and what he expects in a relationship is the same as what you expect.

Never be afraid to open up once you have started a relationship and want it to lead somewhere. And always be prepared to take the lead of the relationship to get to where you want to be. Men can be commitment-phobic, they can be unfeeling. These are stereotypes that are not shared among most men. But women play into this archetype because it’s what they’re shown in movies, it’s what they read in novels.

The first thing you need to do is identify him. Mr. Right doesn’t come with a sign attached; he doesn’t have a flashing light over his head. But he does share an open communication channel with you.

Find that person that talks with you and you’ll find the guy that wants you to love him.

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Rob L. editor and writer
This article written and/or edited by Robert Lee.


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