Why Being Nice Does Not Always Build Attraction in Women

The problem is that being nice is not enough on it's own to create attraction.

Now You Know: Being Nice is Not Enough!

Probably the biggest myth men have bought into is that if we are nice to women they will like us in return; that is, they will be attracted to us. 

If you are like the average nice guy, this is perhaps the biggest point you must learn before you will ever stop being just a friend to the women in your life.

You may go out of your way to be really nice to a woman you just met: be considerate of her needs, really listening to what she’s saying, agreeing with her opinions, doing her favors, etc. What you’re doing is nice. The only problem is that this does nothing to increase attraction.

A man who focuses only on being very nice to a woman will be seen as a friend, nothing more. If being nice is the only ingredient in your recipe, you’re missing the spice of attraction.

“I’ve dated Bob a couple of times now. He is such a nice guy. He’s so considerate and sweet. But I just don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not attracted to him.”

Sound familiar?

Bob screwed up. He only focused on being nice and considerate and a gentleman, without also focusing on building physical attraction in the woman.

He didn’t balance being nice with being a masculine man.

So that’s the first lesson of attraction we have to get clear on right from the start:
Being nice is not enough.

Being Only Nice Has a Bad Result

If you’re reading this right now, there’s a good chance you tend to be too nice on your dates, and don’t balance this with being an interesting, masculine, sexually aware man.


Every behavior has some sort of reward, a payoff, and that’s why we continue to do the things we do. Underneath many men’s niceness, what’s really going on is that they don’t want to risk rejection by expressing their interests as men.

So being nice has a payoff: It’s how you avoid rejection because you’re not putting yourself out there.

If you tend to have dates where nothing physical happens, ask yourself if focusing so much on being nice may give you the payoff of protecting you from rejection.

Think about it.

Women who go out with guys who are only nice quickly lose interest, because these guys are rarely man enough to step up to the plate and let women know very clearly that they are interested in them physically and romantically.

And beware, once the woman’s interest has faded, you have just entered the dreaded Friend Zone from which very few men have ever returned.

Be Nice And Be More

There’s nothing wrong with being nice, considerate, and thoughtful as long as it doesn’t get in your way of building attraction and letting her know you’re interested. So sure, open doors, pull out chairs, be chivalrous, but don’t substitute doing these nice things for expressing interest and building attraction.

Friends can open doors and pull out chairs. Wussies can open doors and pull out chairs.

But only mature, sexually aware men will take the chance to do things to build attraction, express their desires, and make their moves. Women expect men who are interested in them to do this. It’s okay. It’s part of being a man who has a healthy relationship with his own sexuality.

Men who are okay with their own sexuality may express their interest in women quite often. Men who aren’t okay with their own sexuality feel that there’s something wrong about expressing their sexual interest. As if there is something bad about doing it. As if there is something un-gentlemanly about doing it. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

You Need Experience

If you haven’t already mastered these ideas, you’re going to need to educate yourself on how to get this part of your life under control. You’ll need to learn how to stop just being nice to women, and instead start expressing the natural, masculine part of yourself in a way that women respond to.

It’s not difficult to improve. You just need to know exactly what to do. 

Rob L. editor and writer
This article written and/or edited by Robert Lee.
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