Why Nice Guys Fail With Women

So what does attract women? And how do you do it exactly?

I have a lot of guys talk to me and say “I know this girl who’s beautiful and smart and attractive. She and I are great friends, we have everything in common, and we get along perfectly… but she says that she’s just not attracted to me…”

Have you ever noticed that:

  • The most attractive and interesting women seem to be attracted to men who don’t treat them very well?
  • That the “nicer” you are to a woman the more she often seems to act like “just a friend” to you?

What’s going on here? Didn’t mom say to be “nice” to girls?

Here’s the deal: Women aren’t usually romantically attracted to “nice” guys. Women are attracted to men who are funny, confident, and mysterious. Good looks don’t hurt, but if you’re not 6’4″ tall and model-handsome, then you have to learn how to attract women with your personality.

And being “nice” isn’t going to do it for you.

I believe:

  • Women make decisions very, very quickly about whether a man is going to be “just a friend” or if he has romantic potential, and once her decision is made, it’s probably going to stay made.
  • These decisions are made “unconsciously”, meaning that women make all of them quickly and at a “gut level”.
  • If you know how, you make her feel attraction feelings rather than “friend” feelings.
  • The way to do it is to stop acting “nice” and start acting, well… something else… and I don’t mean “not nice”.

So what DOES attract women? And how do you do it exactly?

Good questions… 

At the beginning, I mentioned three qualities: Funny, Confident, and Mysterious.

Before I talk about each, I first have to remind you that women don’t usually make sense (to men). Remember that.

Here’s a good metaphor: Remember when you learned to drive? It all made sense… turn the wheel left and go left, turn it right and go right…

But do you remember when you learned to back up? Backing up is a whole new game. Everything that used to work now works in a different way. At first you feel disoriented. Turn the wheel left and go right… and you have to learn how to maneuver with the back wheels staying straight while the front wheels turn… all with your head turned around.

For most people, this takes some time and practice. But once you “get it” then you can do it anytime you want.

Well, women are very similar. At first it’s very confusing. You have to try things that don’t seem to make sense. But once you get the hang of it, then you see how it works and can make it work… just like backing up a car.

As much as many women would hate to admit it, there’s something very attractive about a man who is just a little more confident than he should be. And if you combine this with the right amount of humor, you have a magic combination that will charm almost any woman.

Here are a few ways to use this idea:

  • When you first meet a woman, tease her about something. It doesn’t what it is, as long as you do it early on. For instance, you might say: “So what’s with the big purse? Are you carrying a gun in there?” or maybe “Those are some pretty tall shoes, what are you like 4′ tall without them?” If you tease a woman, it shows that you’re not intimidated by her, and that you have a fun sense of humor. Key: Make sure you say something FUNNY. If you don’t know how to be funny, get a book on it. The test: If she’s not laughing, then it wasn’t funny!
  • Look around at other things and seem kind of pre-occupied when you first start talking to her. Make your funny remarks with a carefree, detached tone. You want to sound like you’re talking to your best friend. Attractive women are approached all the time. It’s not attractive to a woman when you look like you’ve just met Madonna. This “just a little too confident” attitude is very attractive to women… especially when it’s combined with humor.
  • Don’t answer her questions directly. Women love to ask questions like: “What do you do?” and “Where do you live?” and “Tell me about your family”. Answer with funny answers, and don’t give her what she wants. Most guys say “Oh, I’m an engineer” or “I’m a stock broker”. Boring, boring. If she asks what you do, say “Oh, funny you should ask. I’m a Calvin Klein Underwear Model… What do you do?…” (This is especially funny if it’s obvious that you are not a model) Do you get it? Keep it up and keep her laughing.

It’s important to remember that I’m not telling you to be mean, or to be a jerk to women. I’m telling you to start being confident, funny, and mysterious.

This article is inspired by “Double Your Dating” by David Deangelo.

Rob L. editor and writer
This article written and/or edited by Robert Lee.
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